The Poem Says It All

“Father, I wanna go with you, please let me go with you…” I cried.

These were the last words I uttered to my father when he was about to leave. I remembered somebody called and told him to go to a particular place. That time, he didn’t allow me to go with him. He just told me that it was important and kids were not allowed. I cried so hard because that was the first time he said ‘no’. He used to take me to any place he goes - anywhere. I stopped crying when he promised that he would be back immediately – a day after and would bring a toy guitar. Ironically, he did not. I waited for days but still he’s not yet in. Until we heard over the radio that he was brutally killed by armed men. I was so confused, so shocked that I couldn’t help but deny to myself that it was my father. As I can recall, I told the people when we got his dead body, “ that’s not my father, my father is handsome.” I was just a toddler then.

The memories are still fresh in my mind. When I went back to our ancestral house, I could always think about my father. How did it happen? Why did they kill him? He was a very good man. I came across an old cabinet and saw some of his documents. Most of the sheets were tattered. There was one paper that caught my attention. It was a poem. He wrote it years ago – 1977. And as I read it, I was crying silently for the poem says it all.

EPILOGUE

Here I am now.
A man with life uncertain and insecure.
Fighting all odds of political existence.
I walk with DIFFERENT SHADOWS!
And I must learn to live with them.

In this world, there are those who are oppressed.
And there are those who are persecuted
because of their outlook -
towards our social structure…
towards the "SYSTEM"

But as to whether they can endure or resist
is a matter of how unrelenting their principles are -
or how strong their convictions are.

After the SHADOWS… What?
They will never stop shadowing - till they get me.
I’ll be living soon in darkness. Behind BARS perhaps.
Or inside a cold coffin.

But all threats - all intrigues could not cow us.
As long as we are still free to move - WE WILL MOVE.
As long as we still have life - WE WILL HOPE.
Yes, we still hope for a new day’s dawn.
The dawn of our freedom. FREE from dictatorial rule.
The dawn of justice. FREE from all brutalities.

My fate? I do not know what awaits me.
I only know I must be brave.

avr/11/03/77

Is She An Angel?

There was this particular young woman. I hardly knew her. The first time I heard her name was three years ago, from a guy who was my colleague then. He kept on praising her name and he’s fond of talking about her and her life. I thought of her as a very mysterious person. I wondered who she really was.

Time passed and she was out of the picture anymore as I stopped thinking about her. Then, I indulged to into married life. It’s just that after the wedding I knew that the young woman has shared a big amount for the event. I was shocked for I never thought that she really did it and I did not hear even a single word from her. I wondered how she looked like.

I became pregnant. When she knew about it, she kept on sending stuff for the baby such as milk bottles, pillows, etc. I was very thankful then for we need not to prepare more for the baby. She also gave some things for me and my husband. She sometimes even bought food and everything. I wondered why she is doing all of these.

Then I delivered my baby. It was complicated as I was subjected to caesarian operation. The baby was in distress already for its heartbeat is getting slower. I couldn't even breathe that there are these pricking devices on hands and some air on my nose. The baby? Yes, the baby was safe, thanks God. However, he was subjected to phototherapy for there was a problem on blood compatibility. We stayed in the hospital for three days unaware that the bill is still big even though it has been deducted with my health security benefits already. That was the darkest time of my life that I couldn’t reach to anyone else but God. Suddenly, there was a way. The young woman paid almost half of the bill. The problem was solved and she was involved again. I wondered why she is so good.

Now, the baby is growing up and still receiving anything from the young woman. I, being so weak learned a lot from her, that sometimes I can say that I can count on God and on her. I do not worship her, yet there’s something in her that I can’t explain. I’m always pulling my courage and strength from her. She makes me strong in times of difficulties. She never counts what she had given and what she had helped. She’s fair as she listens to everybody. She fights for you if you are being stepped on. She’s smart. She’s beautiful. I am so happy to have known this young woman and I would spend the rest of my life showing her my gratitude. Until now, I’m wondering – is she an angel?

The Rosebud

last feb. 3, 2007, during lotlot's birthday, i kept on thinking on what to give her as a gift until i fell asleep. when i woke up, i immediately had a pen and paper handy and began to write something about her. it was finished as a poem. simple as it was, yet for me, it was the best gift i had given her.





The whole wide world will never see
A magnificent masterpiece of God
You might be wondering what it could be
Let’s just say... it is a rosebud

A rosebud smelling fragrant and sweet
With colors that mystify its personality
Its lighter shades may mean decrepit
Yet its thorns are ready for any fray

The rosebud is wise and God-fearing
You already have the clue, haven't you?
She loves everyone and everything
Eureka.. that rosebud is Sarlyn Lou!